The Ones we love will never go
by Nendur
Summary: Set after OotP; what would happen if The Veil at the Ministry was in fact some kind of dimension gate?
1. Nothing left but an empty heart

The Ones we love will never go  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joanne K. Rowling, no money is being made of this, it's just for fun.  
  
Warnings: This will most likely be SLASH with Sirius/Harry pairing eventually, I'm not quite sure, so flamers be gone! I appreciate reviews, but I think that flames are neither helpful nor constructive so LEAVE IT!!! This fic also contains Suicidal!Harry... If there are any mistakes found, I would appreciate to have them noted to me, because this story is un-betaed and english is not my mother tongue!  
  
Rating: The rating is R for adult themes like depression and suicide and, perhaps in the chapters later on, because of sexual interaction. As the story deals with suicide, I want to take the time and tell everyone, who has suicidal thoughts to talk about that with a friend, their parents or anyone else they trust, for suicide isn't the solution for your problems! It will only leave behind the persons which love and care for you hurt and depressed. This fic is NOT meant to play down the topic of suicide and I wish repeat that if you do have suicidal thoughts to tell someone about it you trust and try and sort things out, for there are always people that will care about you and they will help you to solve your problems.  
  
Summary: Set after OotP; if you haven't read the book, don't read it, for I don't want to spoil the end for you! What if Sirius never died in the ministry? What if he had fallen trough a dimension gate? Will he be able to get back to Harry in time to save him from his self-destruction? (I know I suck at summarys, the story will be much better, though ^__~ )  
  
Now, let's start with the story!  
  
Chapter 1: Nothing left but an empty heart  
  
It was a bright and sunny day at number four, Privet Drive. The sun was shining high and the singing of birds could be heard all troughout the streets. Noone would suspect that there was someone not infected by the harmonious atmosphere which had taken over the whole of Little Whinghing. Every now and then one could see a family grilling in their garden or just lying around in the sun talking while other families had taken the opportunity to go and visit the local swimming pool.  
  
At number four, all of the Dursleys were having a barbecue party and had invited some of their friends or rather, some of Dudley's friends, who all seemed to be occupied by the task of eating as much of the steaks, sausages and hamburgers being made by Vernon Dursley as they could stomach without loosing it again. Over the whole scene, Petunia Dursley was hovering around her son, praising him about what a "handsome, young man" he was becoming.  
  
If Harry had been there, he would have had trouble stiffling his laughter, but as he wasn't, no such sound could be heard. Vernon was really glad the boy was up in his room, again, and not disturbing the joyful mood of Dudley's party. Dudley, too, was glad Harry wasn't there for he had a distinct feeling that Harry had been responsible for something really, really unpleasant the last summer, though he couldn't exactly remember what it had been. He stole a quick glance towards the window where he knew was Harry's bedroom only to find the curtains drawn closed and, though he could only suspect, the lights probably out. Inwardly shrugging, he went back to the task of eating. He'd never cared much about Harry's emotional life.  
  
***  
  
In his room, Harry was sitting in dim half-light, just as Dudley previously had assumed. He hadn't switched on the lights all day and the curtains at his window remained closed as he wasn't in the mood to "let the sun intrude upon his life", as he himself had put it. He was lying on his bed, holding the black plush dog he had found while cleaning Dudley's old wardrobe close to his chest. His body was shaken by small tremors every now and then and he was trying not to sob too harshly.  
  
Ever since he had come back, he had hardly smiled, the letters he had to write to the members of the Order were as short as possible while containing enough information not to have them worried and sending someone to look after him. Earlier that day, he had received a letter from Ron and Hermione, telling him that they were both staying at The Burrow and telling about - at least in Harry's opinion - unimportant things like what they had been doing and how things were going in the wizarding world.  
  
In reality, nothing was really important to Harry besides Sirius, whom he saw falling trough the archway over and over again in his dreams, dying right before his eyes. But even when he was awake, his mind would provide him with those pictures and send Harry into another whirlwind of emotions; this would always result in him clutching Padfoot, as he had named the plush dog, to his chest and rocking his body to and fro. It was then when he felt the loss of Sirius the most, tugging at his heart and reminding him of the vast empty space where once Sirius had been in his life. He felt as if everything bad always happened to him, first losing his parents, then having to live with the Dursleys for almost sixteen years, being responsible for someone's death and now for another one, the one of his dear godfather. Not to mention having to endure Draco Malfoy at school and Lord Voldemort trying to kill him since he was born. Life really wasn't good for him.  
  
Though living with the Dursleys now wasn't as bad as before, for they were ignoring him the majority of the time. He couldn't complain about that, but it just left him more time to dwell about his life and most of all, his fault about being responsible for Sirius's death. If he hadn't been so stupid and just listened to Hermione for once, Sirius would still be alive. Or if he had had enough common sense to speak to Snape before that old bat Umbridge had gotten him. There were so many factors which would have prevented from Sirius to die it seemed almost ridiculous that even so he had died in the end. And all of this was alone his, Harry's, fault. He suddenly was feeling really tired and he just wished to lie down and never to wake up again.  
  
I really wish I'd be dead. If it hadn't been for me, my parents, Sirius and Cedric would still be alive. Who am I kidding? If I had never been born, Voldemort would never had a reason to kill my parents. Maybe I should erase my presence from this earth, I'd just do everyone a favour!  
  
Startled at the last one of his thoughts, Harry jerked his head up. Did he just think that? No, surely not. But as he tried to convince himself that they all would miss him and he couldn't leave them alone to fight Voldemort, the result of his thoughts buried itself deep inside his brain, temporarily forgotten but there nevertheless, ready to come again if the pain would be growing stronger again...  
  
***  
  
Agonisingly slowly, Sirius came back to consciousness. His body was aching and he felt a dull throbbing in the middle of his chest. As he sat up, he noticed he was still clutching his wand in his hand. Confused, he started to look around to find out where he was. But as he took in the scene of his new surroundings, he couldn't see a sign that there was really something alive there but himself. He blinked, he was sitting on a wide meadow, where occasionally trees where growing, some alone, some in a small group of three or four. A few hundred miles away, he could see a few hills surrounding the place where he had landed.  
  
Frowning, he tried to remember what had happened. He could remember of being it with the Stupefy Curse and falling trough something but other than that, there was nothing. Suddenly, his eyes widened, alarmed. Harry! What had happened to him? Was he alright? Then the whole scene of the fight with the Death Eaters came flowing back to his mind. Again he frowned, was he dead and this something like heaven? But he certainly felt alive, he was breathing and his heart was beating fast. Also, the dull pain in his body hadn't subsided, he felt like always.  
  
Well, except perhaps, that he hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on right now and where he had gotten himself into. Figuring that the best way of finding a way out of this would be to get up and see if he could find something, somebody who could help him in this situation. He took a closer look around. What was startling him the most was that there wasn't the slightest sign of life around him; all in all, the landscape around him looked rather depressing, not exactly a place where he would like to be.  
  
Then, he noticed something slightly out of place. Across the plain, he could easily spot a tree that seemed to be higher and bigger than all the other trees, almost making it look like a small hill. Confused about why he hadn't seen it earlier, he noticed that if looked at the tree from the ground, it seemed to melt into the background which was consisting of the hills he had seen earlier. The tree also "disappeared" more easily, for all the tress where barley lighter referring to their colour than a stone , each one sporting a gloomy grey.  
  
Coming to the conclusion that this was certainly the best opportunity he had, he started walking towards the strange tree, not knowing what he should expect from the whole event. 


	2. Why won't you leave me alone?

Chapter 2: Why won't you leave me alone?  
  
First of all, some author's notes!  
  
I want to thank everyone who has reviewed my story and gave me such nice critics, I really enjoyed it and motivated me to continue with the story! Thanks to you all! =^__^=  
  
As for the updates, I will try and update regularly every weekend, and if I find the time, even during the week, but I have some exams at the moment, so I'm really a little busy at the time. But I'll try and update regularly, for I know how unnerving it is when the author doesn't update for a few weeks or so.  
  
~ are for the thoughts, // are whenever something is quoted!  
  
Anyway, enough talking, here comes the new chapter! R&R and most of all, enjoy!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Harry barely slept that night. The last day had been horrible. Sometime about afternoon, Petunia had come up to his room and asked him politely, yet somewhat strained, to come down in the garden and have something to eat. Harry had been tempted to decline, but the stern expression in his aunt's face showed him that it had cost her a lot of fidgeting to even come up and ask him.  
  
Sighing, the raven-haired boy stood up and went down to eat something from the small barbecue party, at least, what Dudley and his friends had left for him. He idly noticed that Dudley and his friends were nowhere to be seen and, somewhat sarcastically, he thought: "Of course. They couldn't let me out if there would be any chance that someone might see me, the poor little freak."  
  
All in all, his mood hadn't been heightened, which obviously had been Petunia's intention. Just as he started wondering about his aunt's strange behaviour towards him, he suddenly remembered the letter Dumbledore had spoken of and the howler he had sent her last summer. He snorted.  
  
~I should have known she wouldn't have been nice towards me out of her own decision. She's only friendly because she has to be. I mean, who would be nice towards someone who has killed his own godfather?~  
  
Even though Harry knew, he hadn't killed his godfather with his own hands, he knew for sure that he was the one whose fault it was. Fate is strange, he mused, he had run to the ministry to prevent Voldemort from killing his godfather and by doing so, he had made the real thing to happen. Harry buried his face in his hands; he felt completely useless for everyone, he knew he'd have to kill Voldemort one day or get killed while trying to, but he also knew it'd take the lifes of many other people in the progress. Lifes which he knew, would also be at his responsibility.  
  
While he had again been dwelling on his thoughts, twilight had fallen and after Petunia had come ouside looking for him, he finally snapped out of his stupor and went up into his room with a mumbled "Goodnight" to his aunt.  
  
Back in his small room, the first thing Harry had done had been to throw himself onto his bed and grab Padfoot to snuggle up against him. He closed his eyes; if he concentrated hard enough, he could imagine that the fur of the plush dog was the fur of the "real" Padfoot and that he was currently lying next to his body on his bed.  
  
But over the day, his room had gotten rather hot and Harry just couldn't find any sleep. He tossed and turned around, in the process wrinkling the sheets on his bed. Finally, he gave up and just continued staring at the ceiling, all the while absently stroking Padfoot with his thumb. As everytime, when he was alone in his dark room and alone with his thoughts and nothing to distract him, he unintenionally started reliving the memories of Sirius, Sirius coming to rescue him, Sirius fighting with the Death Eaters and finally, inevitably, Sirius falling trough the archway and just... dying.  
  
Harry shuddered, he felt tears forming again in his eyes. "No!" he softly said to himself, "I'm not going to cry again. I don't want to cry again." But his body didn't seem to be under his control anymore; he felt the tears flowing freely from his eyes and he could do nothing but surrender to the sadness that engulfed him like a cold blanket, just like it had done many times before. On and on it went, until he fell into a restless sleep at last.  
  
***  
  
Harry was awoken the next morning by his cousin Dudley, who apparently told him that breakfast was ready, although Harry could only guess at that for he hadn't exactly been paying attention. Almost as fast as he had come, Dudley had disappeared out of his room. Grumpily, Harry sat up and rubbed his eyes. He glared disapprovingly at the curtains which had been drawn by someone, letting the moring sun shine merrily into his bedroom.  
  
After having put on his glasses, Harry reluctantly got up and started changing into Dudley's old rags he was still forced to wear. On his way out of his chamber, he forcefully drew the curtains shut and made his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and splashed some water in his face to make the remnants of sleep go away. In the end, he finally got down into the kitchen and sat down at the table where Dudley and Vernon were already sitting and eating their breakfast.  
  
Vernon shot the approaching boy a menacing glare. He'd never get used to treating the boy nicely so he just kept ignoring him; however, this plan sometimes failed whenever he was forced to see Harry at the breakfast table. The fact that his day just *had* to start every time with looking at the person he hated so much he'd rather kick him out and never worry about him again, angered him beyond reason. But since Petunia had gotten that strange letter... he wasn't very pleased with his wife's decision to keep the boy under their roof, but as he didn't dare to anger Petunia, he tried to force himself to avoid the boy as much as he could.  
  
To say the least, Harry was just as happy with the morning meeting as his uncle himself. He was still a bit shaken from last night and the fresh memories of Sirius, which seemd to cut deeper and deeper into his already wounded soul. He doubted it would ever heal again and the prospect of having to live was just dreadful to the depressed boy. As nobody wanted to speak a word, which was just fine with Harry, breakfast passed by in slow blur in which Harry barely noticed what he was eating.  
  
When Petunia finally started taking the dishes away, all Harry wanted to do was to go up into his room and lay down for the rest of the day, as he had done before. He couldn't believe it had just been a week at the Dursleys and he still had seven more left. Suddenly, a voice startled him out of his thoughts.  
  
"So, are you just going to hide and leave all the work for your poor aunt? I would have thought you had more decency after all these years. But I don't suppose such things as manners are common behaviour among people of your.. your.. kind."  
  
The last sentences were spoken with a touch of hidden malice in it; and Harry wasn't in the fit state to even try and counter to this. But that just seemed to stir Vernon's anger further.  
  
"DAMMIT, GET A MOVE ON YOU USELESS LITTLE...!!"  
  
"VERNON!!!"  
  
This had come from aunt Petunia who was watching not Vernon, but Harry, who had shrunken back into the fridge and was staring at his uncle with something akin to panic. Startled, Vernon looked at his wife; after a seemingly endless, awkward pause, he turned and without another word, he walked into the living room. Petunia sighed and turned to Harry: "Go up now, boy. I'll manage this, it's alright."  
  
Harry gulped and made his way out of the kitchen, but just as he had reached out to turn the door knob, he felt a sudden sickness rise in his throat. Hastily, he dashed towards the bathroom and made it just in time to the toilet before he began to vomit violently. After this, he was feeling slightly dizzy and felt himself breaking out in cold sweat. He wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet; moving over to the sink he looked into the mirror and was shocked to see a pale face looking back at him.  
  
He flinched slightly as he touched his face. It was even paler than it had been naturally, but there were also dark rings under his eyes, a clear sign for the lack of sleep he had had, with his eyes dull and empty.  
  
Abruptly, he turned away and walked into his room; he didn't want to think about his present condition. Somewhere deep inside of him, he felt he didn't deserve to be cared about, his uncle had been right; he was just useless and only a burden for...  
  
His toughts were interrupted quite rudely as a barn owl flew into his room, having a letter attached to its leg. Harry went over and grabbed the letter from it and the owl flew away again. The letter looked rather officially, but it had no sign that it came from either Hogwarts or the Ministry of Magic. Frowning, he ripped the letter open.  
  
"Dear Harry,  
  
I wish to inform you that the Order has immediate need of you here at the headquarters.  
  
As you now know the phrophecy, you will have to be prepared for the upcoming confrontation. That is why you will be brought to the headquarters of the Order to be trained in everything that will help you in the war which has now broken out.  
  
In three days, a member of the order will come and bring you here, though I'm not able to give you the exact time. Be ready to leave and try not to forget anything as the things you will learn here are essential not only for your own sake but for that of the whole world as well.  
  
We will meet soon. Until then, try and enjoy your free time.  
  
Signed, Albus Dumbledore"  
  
To say Harry was a bit upset after this letter, was understated. Harry was fuming. He reread the letter again and again as though the content might change if he did it often enough. What was that old fool playing at? "Try and enjoy your free time!" Sure, Harry just would have a jolly good time after having lost Sirius, never mind that. And of course, he would just act as if nothing had happened and just go and learn obediently after Dumbledore's instructions.  
  
He was so furious about Dumbledore's letter he didn't notice the second owl until it poked him on the arm. Irritated, he turned around and snatched the letter away from it; after the owl had left, he ripped the second letter open and noticed it was from Remus:  
  
"I know this will come quite as a surprise for you Harry, but I will come straight to the point. I have been reading your letters you sent to us and I can't shake off the feeling that something is horribly wrong.  
  
I know I can't and I won't expect you to just be happy again after Sirius's death but your letters seem to have a sense of such deep pain attached to it that I'm greatly worried about you. I wanted to visit you but Dumbledore wouldn't let me because it's too dangerous at the moment. I know he's right about that, but I'd really like to meet with you sooner than in three days.  
  
But seeing as that's not possible, I beg you not to do something stupid as I fear you might do. We will meet in three days and we will be able to talk things over as we hadn't had the time for that after you left for the summer.  
  
With best wishes, Remus  
  
P.S.: I have enclosed something for you in the letter I found yesterday when I was looking trough some old things of mine. I hope it'll make you feel a bit better, or as someone can be given the circumstances."  
  
After he was finished with reading, Harry searched trough the envelope again and found a photograph. He turned it around and found himself staring at a picture from Sirius; Sirius how he was sitting on his flying motorcycle. Sirius looked very young on the picture, he seemed to be barely older than eighteen. Apparently, he had just bought the motorcycle. His hair was blewn back by the wind and he was sitting on his bike, smiling happily and waving at him.  
  
Harry slowly sank down onto his bed; he had never seen Sirius look so beautiful and happy. But of course, this had been the time before his best friends were killed and he was accused of being a murderer. Suddenly, Harry felt close to tears again; he had realized that from now on, pictures of Sirius would be all that he had now, just as it was with his parents.  
  
He didn't want to learn anything for DADA at the Order of the Phoenix, he didn't want to fight against Voldemort; hell, he didn't even want to speak with Remus at the moment. Why couldn't they understand him? Harry sniffed softly and stood up, walking over to where Hermione's early birthday present for him was placed. She had sent him a portable CD-Player together with best wishes from her parents and Ron as well; they had also enclosed a CD with music themes from a movie which had been in the cinema, the name of the movie was "Spirit".  
  
Although he didn't know the movie, he liked the music very much, his favourite one was "Sound the bugle" for it seemed to fit his mood perfectly, though he didn't really count the last part of it. In fact, he tought of it as rather ironical. He turned the player on and switched to his favourite song and soon, the tune of it could be heard in his room.  
  
//Sound the bugle now, play it just for me As the seasons change, remember how I used to be Now I can't go on, I can't even start I've got nothing left, just an empty heart  
  
I'm a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight There's nothing more for me, lead me away Or leave me lying here//  
  
Harry had already went and turned off the lights; he walked over to his bed and due to the depressing sound of the music, he was quickly crying again with Padfoot clutched to his chest. He had involuntarily rolled up into a fetal position, his body shaken from small tremors.  
  
//Sound the bugle now, tell them I don't care There's not a road I know, that leads to anywhere Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark Lay right down, decide not to go on//  
  
After this, Harry quickly drifted off to sleep, whishing that everybody would just leave him alone and never speak to him again.  
  
***  
  
Sirius was getting rather frustrated. He had been walking for an eternity now and the great tree hadn't come much closer since he had started walking. Then it hit him; why hadn't he tought about that earlier?  
  
He quickly changed into Padfoot and started running at a fast but steady pace, though he kept glancing left and right for any danger that might approach so he'd be able to defend himself if the need for it would appear. But nothing happened. The whole scenery around him just seemed to be dead, though it didn't lessen his amount of his watchfulness.  
  
As he was running lonely across the great plain, his thoughts kept drifting off to Harry. What was he doing right now? How did he feel? Were those Dursleys treating him good? What was he doing without him now? What happened to those Death Eaters and Voldemort?  
  
Those and similar thoughts ran trough Padfoot's mind as he was now getting closer and closer to his destination.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song from "Spirit", it belongs to Brian Adams and Dreamworks Pictures and I don't make any money out of it!  
  
Do the summer holidays last eight weeks in England? I didn't really know so I asked my mother. If there are mistakes with that please tell me, it's rather important for my story for I have already planned the timing of the events happening to our favourite wizards! ^.^ 


	3. History of the Fallen

Chapter 3: History of the Fallen  
  
Sorry it took me so long to update, but I had to finish the sculpture I was making in my art lessons at home and that took up most of my free time (and I´m still not finished... -.-"). Anyway, thanks to everyone who gave me such nice critics, I hope you like this chapter as well and give me a nice, little review again! =)  
  
Here´s the third chapter!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Padfoot skidded to a halt in front of the tree. Finally, finally he had reached it and after a quick glance around, he transformed back and looked up. The branches of the tree weren´t low enough for him to climb up and there didn´t seem to be a ladder or something that would help him in that matter. Hoping to find *anything* that would help him, Sirius started walking around the tree, which, considering the size of it, took him nearly ten minutes.  
  
Eventually, he even knelt in front of the tree and felt the trunk with his fingertips, though he didn´t think that would help him any. But then, just as he thought of giving up, he found that there were some holes, big enough to set a foot inside, carved into the trunk, each of them lined up until they reached the first branches of the tree. With renewed vigor, he started to climb them up.  
  
It was extremely difficult to climb the tree for he nearly was pressed flat against the trunk and the fact he had to climb very high before reaching even the lowest of the tree´s branches wasn´t very motivating considering the size of the giant tree. Several times, Sirius was tempted to look down and see how far he´d gotten, but he ruthlessy pushed those thoughts far away, afraid of getting fear of heights.  
  
When he had at last reached the end of the ´ladder´, he found himself on a big platform that allowed him a better view of the whole tree, which was wider than he had originally thought. Sirius took a look around. Everytime the branches were crossing, another platform was installed; from his point of view he could spot around fifty of them, each connected with a ladder (*not* carved into the trunk this time!). As he didn´t see anybody, he started to climb higher onto the other platforms.  
  
As Sirius did so, he noticed there were some lights floating trough the air. ´Odd,´ he thought. When he finally stood on the next platform, he was able to take a closer look at the lights and was startled as he saw the first living creatures in this strange place. The ´lights´ were little dragonflies whose bodies were glowing in various colours and radiating soft light. Their way of flying was very different from what he had ever seen with average dragonflies. Instead of it being fast and looking almost kind of stressed, these little creatures were slow, floating through the air by winding themselves though it, their crystalline wings barely visible when they were moving.  
  
Somehow, Sirius felt himself relaxing in the presence of these creatures. The light they were radiating was strangely calming and Sirius instantly liked these creatures. Besides him, they were the only thing alive in this strange place – at least the first he had discovered. Again, Sirius went higher on the tree and the sight that met him on the next platform made him gasp in surprise.  
  
There were houses all over the platform which seemed to have simply grown out of the tree. As Sirius stepped closer to one of the houses, he curiously looked trough a window in the wall. The furniture inside the house also seemed to be a piece of the tree as if the tree himself had given the residents of this house all the things they needed. Sirius stepped inside the house trough a broken door; everything here looked old and forgotten, the dust lying inches thick on the floor and cobwebs hanging from the ceiling and in the corners of the room.  
  
Suddenly, Sirius noticed something strange about a chair which lay broken on the floor. He knelt down and took a closer look at it. At some places, the wood was coal-black as if it had been burned, but there was no sign that the fire had reached all of the house, for most of the things didn´t show any sign of ever having contact with fire or something else as hot. Sirius exited the house and went to inspect the other houses. Everywhere he found similar sceneries: every house was deserted and dirty, with the furniture broken and every now and then the wood had been burned.  
  
Frowning, Sirius stood in the middle of the platform; how had a fire managed to get up this high when downstairs there hadn´t been any signs of it? And why hadn´t it burned all of the houses, just parts? There´d been enough wood for the flames to eat! As Sirius pondered on this matter, he dimly became aware of the big burn mark he was standing on, coal-black like the other things. Sirius looked down and was surprised by the size of it, the spot reminding him strangely of a large footprint.  
  
By now, Sirius´s curiosity had awakened and figuring he would get to the bottom of the matter if he´d find something like a library or just a few written testaments, he went up higher and higher on the tree, wanting to get to the top of it.  
  
Sirius started to sweat and he became aware of his empty stomach that demanded to be fed. On the next platform, he frantically searched the houses, but there wasn´t any trace there had ever been food. Sirius again started climbing higher when suddenly, he found himself standing on the biggest platform he had seen on this tree. There were hundreds of the glowing dragonflies floating trough the air, bathing the place with their light and illuminating a wide palace-like house grown out of the tree like the other houses he had seen earlier.  
  
Though it didn´t look as broken as the other ones, it still seemed to be deserted and the wood had some cracks in it. But for Sirius the most striking thing about this palace was the fact it had obviously been half- burnt for a great part of the building was black and seemed to fall apart every moment. Sirius slowly crossed the place that seperated him from this... palace, as he didn´t know what else to call it. He breathed heavily, the sad atmosphere of this place getting to him and engulfing his senses. „Something terrible has happened here, I know that," Sirius muttered softly to himself, not noticing he had spoken that statement to himself.  
  
Finally, he stood in front of the broken double-doors and hesitantly pushed them open. They gave a long criek, sounding as if they were crying. Sirius shivered. He had never been to such a creepy place before; sure, he wasn´t the type of man to chicken easily but *this*..., this was just so different than anything he had ever experienced. He didn´t know where he was, he was alone and he didn´t know what would happen. And worst of all, he hadn´t the slightest clue what had happened to Harry and how he could help him and if he would ever get back to him. For a moment, Sirius was terrified by the thought of being stuck here for all eternity, separated from the ones he loved and dying here, alone and forgotten.  
  
Sirius gave himself a mental slap; if he ever wanted to find a way out of here, he had to stay sensible. Gathering every ounce of courage he had left, he entered the palace and was standing inside a great entrance hall. Every step he took echoed trough the room as he went further into the hall. There was a great hole on the ceiling where the light of the dragonflies shone trough. Sirius smiled as he looked up and saw the little creatures which again succeded in calming him and with new courage, Sirius called out, albeit still a bit hesitantly: „Hello? Is someone here? Hello!" Besides the echo of his own words there came no reply.  
  
Sighing, Sirius moved to inspect the hall and found there were three doors, each on a different wall that lead out of the hall. He didn´t know which to pick first, so he decided for the one on the right side.  
  
The door led him to a room where Sirius met the most unusual thing he´d ever seen. The ground of the room was covered with the leaves of the tree and several smaller trees emitted from the ground. Sirius came closer as he noticed there were fruits growing on the trees which looked really appetizing, especially to his empty stomach which again started to rumble angrily. He quickly reached out to fetch himself a fruit.  
  
But then he stopped abruptly; who told him that he could really eat the fruits without being poisoned? His hand still hanging mid-air, he thought about his options. He could either leave the fruits and then most problably starve to death, or he could take the risk of being poisoned by eating the fruits but he could also have luck and the fruits wouldn´t harm him at all and he´d have a constant source of food for as long as he had to stay here.  
  
Chosing the latter, he finally picked one of the rather odd-looking fruits and ate it. It tasted good and when he didn´t feel funny or ill, he took some more until he was sated. Now that one of his problems had been solved, he looked around. There were no more doors except the one he´d come trough. Figuring the room seemed to be safe, he decided to settle down for sleep here as the whole climbing up and inspecting had really exhausted him. As he lay down and sleep claimed him, he was having dreams about him being back with Harry and the two of them going to the Qudditch World Cup.  
  
***  
  
The next day, Sirius woke up, feeling sleepy and not quite realizing he was still in the strange dimension he had gotten. He opened his eyes, confused where he was as he didn´t remember this place. Suddenly, the memories of the last day came back to him, how he had climbed the tree and finally ended up here. Sirius groaned and put his head into his hands. He had hoped this would all have been a very bad dream and once again, a feeling of being lost overwhelmed him. He shook himself, he had to remember that he needed to stay sane if he ever wanted to find a way out of this mess. He thought about Harry and that he needed to help him and if he just gave up here, he wouldn´t be of any help for him.  
  
Finally, he made his way back to the entrance hall and walked trough the left door in hope to find something that could help him. After he had entered, Sirius found himself in a circular room full with mural paintings that Sirius decided where worth a closer inspectation. A once-over told Sirius that the paintings seemed to illustrate the history of the land Sirius had gotten. The series started with a picture of middle-sized pixie- like creatures who had leaves instead of hair and were working on a field. As Sirius studied the painting, he noticed there were many animals which Sirius didn´t recognize painted in it and he could also see a great forest where the trees were looking healthier and the whole scene was looking brighter than currently.  
  
The next paintings showed the same creatures with increased technology, it was like a history of civilisation and the paintings went on and on like this, every next picture showing another new invention of the pixie- creatures. Sirius followed the line of the paintings until his attention was drawn to a painting where some of the creatures were producing something that strongely reminded Sirius of a mirror; wondering, he studied the next painting where the same mirror was hanging in a dimly lit room, emitting magical sparks and the whole surface was rippling.  
  
Then, Sirius frowned in concentration; he leaned closer and inently looked at the uneven surface of the mirror. He could see the silhouette of a... a person coming trough it. Even more confused, his mind rotating, he inspected the paintings further until he saw a picture with the pixie- creatures running away from something that resembled a fire wall, except that the flames were black and there were evil-looking red eyes in what looked like the monster´s head. The longer Sirius looked at the monster, the more details he could see. The fire-demon, as he had dubbed it, had four arms, each one ending in a hand with deadly claws and fiery legs which ended in dragon-like feet and a long fire-tail emitting from its spine and swaying behind it.  
  
Still dazed, Sirius reached the two last paintings, one showing a pixie- creature dressed in arcane robes and magical energy surrounding its form, defeating the fire-demon, but dying as well in the battle. The last painting was partially destroyed but the same gloomy scenery like outside could be seen on the remaining parts.  
  
When he was finished, Sirius slid down the wall, suddenly feeling rather tired, but at the same time, a small hope was fanning inside him. The tragic history that had been told to him by the paintings left him a bit sad, but it had also shown him a possible way out of this world. Sirius stood up again and moved over to the painting where he had seen the person come trough the mirror.  
  
As he gently traced the outline of the figure, he wondered about the mirror: why had the pixie-creatures build something like that? Had they known about some kind of technology to journey to other dimensions? Would he be able to get back to his home, back to his Harry through it? Sirius jerked his head up.  
  
„Now, there´s only one way of finding out!", he said aloud and went to explore the rest of the palace.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, three days had passed by and Harry was sitting outside of the Dursley´s house, sitting on his trunk and awaiting the member that would take him to the headquarters. Back to Grimmauld Place. Sirius´s house. Harry didn´t know how he would cope with seeing that place again for everything there would remind him of Sirius and how he had led his godfather into his death. As he felt tears welling up again in his eyes, he impatiently ground them out.  
  
The last days with the Dursleys had been horrible, with Petunia being falsely friendly with him while Dudley and Uncle Vernon ignored him most of the time, though sometimes Vernon´s temper would snap and he´d start yelling at Harry, always being stopped by Petunia. His nightmares again had become worse, now with voices being added that yelled at him for killing his own godfather and when Harry finally woke up, he would fall back onto the bed and sob silently into the sheets or Padfoot, if the plush dog was buried into his face.  
  
Harry was shaken out of his thoughts when a black car with darkened windows arrived. It stopped right in front of him and when the driver´s door opened Harry could only gape at the man that stepped out and smiled at him.  
  
Finally, Harry managed to say something. „Remus! What are you doing here?"  
  
Remus chuckled, obviously amused at Harry´s surprise. „Well, what do you think? I´m coming to take you to the Order. I even personally asked Albus for it."  
  
Upon hearing Dumbledore´s name, Harry´s face darkened a little, which didn´t went unnoticed by the ever perspective Remus Lupin, but who didn´t want to bring that topic up until a later conversation. He eyed Harry up and down. The boy didn´t seem to have slept very much for he was looking paler than usual and the old rags he was wearing didn´t do very much to conceal his state of exhaustion. He inwardly sighed. Sirius´s death had obviously gotten more to Harry than Albus had originally assumed. He shook himself out of his thoughts and asked Harry: „Now, let´s get your trunk in the car, okay?"  
  
Harry smiled a little and helped his ex-professor storing the trunk in the car and then put Hedwig onto the back seat. Harry, too, had noticed how exhausted Remus looked, his golden hair streaked with grey in spite of his still young age. Well, not *young* like a teenager, but a man in his best years. Remus also had went through too much in his life, having lost his very best friends.  
  
They both entered the car, but Remus didn´t start the motor. Instead, he looked at Harry intently and Harry started to shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Finally, Remus broke the silence.  
  
„I know how hard it is for you now, Harry. And I know that there´s nothing I can do to take away the pain. But I want you to know that you can come to me whenever you feel alone or want to talk. Okay?"  
  
Harry nodded and smiled at Remus. „Okay. Thanks, Remus."  
  
Lupin smiled and then did something Harry would´ve never expected. He leaned over and put his arms around Harry, embracing him. Harry knew the werewolve didn´t touch other people very often and was grateful for the embrace he was receiving now. He thanked Remus by putting his arms around him, both comforted by each other.  
  
When Remus eventually pulled back and started the engine, Harry´s mood had heightened a little. It was just that he knew that Remus understood him, having made the same experiences as Harry. He didn´t try to comfort him with phrases like ´everything will be fine´ or ´life goes on´ and ´he wouldn´t have wanted you to be unhappy´, like Ron and Hermione did. Well, mostly Ron. He knew they meant it well, but they couldn´t understand how he felt right now.  
  
That was what was different about Remus. He just understood. ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Phew, that was a long chapter. Hope, you enjoyed it! Now, go and be some nice readers and click on the ´go´-button and write me a review! =^.^= 


	4. Back At Grimmauld Place

Chapter 4: Back At Grimmauld Place

A/n: This chapter is a big "THANK YOU" to everyone who has read and reviewed my story, I appreciate all of them. I didn't expect so many people to actually like this story... really. So, this chapter is my (late) Christmas present to all the readers who had to endure the long wait!

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the other ones and PLEASE write a review, I love getting those! .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The journey to the headquarters was long and boring. Harry and Remus made some stops at several petrol stations to buy food and drinks (and to use the toilet), so there wasn't much distraction for either of them. They almost didn't talk for the whole journey for Remus was busy with driving and since the werewolf didn't seem too comfortable with it, Harry let him be. Besides, the silence gave him more time to dwell on his own thoughts about how he was going to handle the rest of the summer and the additional lessons he would be given.

It was late afternoon when they finally arrived at the headquarters. As they exited the car, Harry briefly stared at the dark building with a mix of sadness and anger. He hoped he wouldn't meet Kreacher any time soon, for he didn't think he'd be able to treat him civilly...

"Harry? Are you listening?"

Remus's voice managed to sneak its way through to Harry's mind who started and turned around to face Remus. He was looking at the young Gryffindor with a worried expression on his face and Harry smiled guiltily and asked: "I'm sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention."

Remus looked at him with a sceptical expression but instead of commenting, Remus simply repeated his statement from a few moments ago.

"I said, what about getting your stuff into the house and get something to eat?"

"Yeah, okay." Harry walked around the car and took his luggage out of the boot of the car and started heaving it towards Grimmauld Place. When Harry and Remus were both standing at the front door, Remus knocked as silently as possible for he obviously wasn't keen on waking Sirius's mother in her portrait.

Only a few moments later, the door was opened and in the doorway stood Tonks with her bright pink hair, smiling at them widely as she let them in. Harry entered the hall and looked around. The house hadn't changed much since last year, only that it didn't seem as deserted as before. With a pang of sadness he remembered how he and his friends had helped cleaning the house together with the Weasleys and Sirius. He felt another pang when he remembered spending Christmas here at the house and how happy Sirius had been at that time and how lonely he had looked when Harry had to leave for Hogwarts.

Harry wished he could have stayed there with Sirius. Shaking him out of his thoughts he turned to face Tonks who was currently welcoming them both back.

"There you both are! I hope the journey wasn't too boring for you two?"

"Well, actually, it was boring AND long, but we made it here without any major accidents," Remus replied kindly. Tonks then turned to greet Harry, who was standing silently next to Remus and had a rather sour expression on his face.

"Welcome back Harry! Glad to see you again. I bet you're hungry, so there's dinner in the kitchen for you both. Oh, and I have a message from Albus for you. He's currently not here, but he'll visit as soon as he can. He wants you to know that your training will start tomorrow..."

Startled, Harry interrupted the young auror: "But I'm not allowed to do magic in the holidays! How..."

"You have a special allowance from the ministry so you'll be able to practise in the summer. Anyway, you'll have Defense against the Dark Arts with Remus here or, if he's not there, with Mad-Eye. Then you'll have Occlumency and Advanced Potions together with Snape. And I'll be teaching you charms and transfigurations," Tonks quickly added when she saw Harry's dark face at the mention of Snape and Potions.

Harry was furious. At that moment he felt nothing but anger towards Dumbledore, the man he had once only showed respect and admiration. This man had managed to turn his summer into an even more terrible time by taking him back to Sirius's house where he would be spending additional time with that greasy git of a potions professor who would like nothing better than to use the time and throw insults at him. And on top of that, he had more Occlumency lessons together with Snape now!

Dumbledore himself had said it would have been better if he had instructed Harry on that subject himself because of the 'tension' between Harry and Snape and now this?

Remus, sensing Harry's change of mood made an attempt to speak to Harry which was quickly blocked as Harry told them he was tired and wanted to go into his room. As Harry stormed up the stairs, Tonks looked at Remus with a worried expression.

"I gather it that he doesn't feel any better since the beginning of the holidays?" she asked quietly.

It was normally not in her cheerful nature to be so quiet and worried, but over the last year, she had taken a liking in Harry and was now extremely worried about his behaviour since it seemed to be so much out of his usual self. Sure, she knew he was extremely upset about Sirirus's death, but Harry just didn't strike her for the type to be so moody and quiet.

Remus sighed before answering. "No. No, he doesn't. Well, it doesn't surprise me, really. He had to watch his own godfather being killed before his very own eyes. What _does_ surprise me is that Albus seems to underestimate what effect the loss of Sirius would have on Harry. And I think..." Remus hesitated before continuing, "...and I think that Harry doesn't trust Albus anymore." Again, the werewolf paused for a moment before speaking again.

"When I went to catch him, he was sitting outside of his uncle's house. He didn't seem to have expected me and when I told him that I asked Albus for it, you could actually see his face darken, if just the slightest bit." Remus ran his hand trough his hair as he turned his face towards Tonks who had been listening closely; then, he shook his head and said: "Maybe I'm just imagining things. It's been a long drive there and back again and I'm tired."

Remus went to leave as well when Tonks called his name out. Remus turned again and the pink-haired woman started wringing her hands before she finally said: "...you can talk to me if you want. ...and Harry as well...if you ever...I mean..." – "I know. Thank you."

As soon as Harry had reached his room, he had thrown himself on his bed, still fuming about Dumbledore's behaviour and the prospect of having to endure Snape's presence for the rest of the holidays. At this rate, he'd rather spend the summer with the Dursleys than here. At least, they didn't snap insults at him every time he got a potion wrong.

Harry looked around the room. It was the same one he had lived in the last year and he was immediately confronted with the returning of the now familiar feelings of sadness and guilt. Harry abruptly stood up and searched through his trunk until he had found what he was looking for. He pulled Padfoot out of his trunk, feeling the soft material between his carressing fingers. It was almost frightening how much this plush dog resembled the dog his godfather had always turned into.

Although the fur was softer than the real Padfoot's, it was as long and tousled as it had been when the animagus had transformed. Even the plush dog's eyes where the same shade of deep blue as Sirius's were, although Sirius's had been much more brighter. Harry again felt tears well up in his eyes when he thought about his godfather's animagus form. He remembered when Sirius had taken him to the station and had started running after the train, barking and waving its tail. Harry had to smile at that memory, but it was almost immediately ruined at the much less happier memory of the fight in the ministry.

Oh yes, Harry _had_ tried to move on and not to think of the night in which he had lost his godfather, but had found himself unable to. Each and every time he thought about Sirius, his mind provided him with pictures of his godfather's death. He took Padfoot over to the windowsill where he sat down and clutched the plush dog to his chest.

As he looked outside over the village, Harry felt strangely empty, as if someone had drained his very being out of him. Like there was nothing left of him but the shell of his body. The scenery outside his window looked strangely unreal to him, as if it was an illusion that wasn't really there. His tears fell from his eyes on Padfoot but either didn't Harry notice or he was too wrapped up in his contemplations to wipe them away.

Suddenly, he had the urge to just jump out of the window and end his misery for he didn't know if it was worth living... no, _existing_ in a world where you had lost the persons that had been the most important ones in your life.

'_I'd do everyone a favour if I just stopped my existence. Even Dumbledore's stupid prophecy would have been fulfilled. My friends wouldn't need to always worry about me and Voldemort would be overjoyed...not that I would want to do him a favour, but that side-effect would be inevitable. The same there goes for Snape. Well, it seems there wouldn't be a single person that wouldn't...benefit...from my death.'_

While he sat there, lost in his thoughts, he gradually became sleepier until his eyes closed and sleep overtook him. This was how Remus finally found him when he entered Harry's rooms, wanting to talk to Harry about his obvious anger towards Dumbledore.

Remus didn't know how long he had stood there, watching Harry after he had put him into his bed, figuring the windowsill wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to sleep. But the one thing that had him frozen next to Harry's bed was the black plush dog he had found in his arms and which currently was tucked firmly between Harry's arms.

Remus Lupin was by no means stupid and he didn't miss the similarities between this plush dog and Sirius's animagus form. He didn't know if he should speak to Harry about this or not, considering the Gryffindor's already dark and snappish mood. Finally, he just opted for making a little small talk with Harry during lunch in hopes that he could extract some information out of the boy without approaching the subject directly, knowing full well that Harry hated to be questioned on anything concerning his person.

It wasn't the best mood in which ex-professor Remus Lupin finally left Harry's room, his feelings telling him there were to be far more problems for all of them lying ahead.

A/N: Well, there you are… Here's another chapter, although it's not really finished. I'm suffering from severe writer's block, because this chapter should have some more plot concerning Harry being taught by Snape, but it just didn't work out.

I'm really really sorry it took so long. I'm just having lots of stress, because I'm in my last school year, preparing for my final exam, I don't have any idea what I should do after that and the deadline for singing in is continually running low. AND I will need my own car as soon as I start my studies, so I will have to get a job or two to get all the money together

So you see, there's some minor chaos at home and always so much to do… Still, I want to finish this story, as soon as I can!

THANKS for all those who reviewed and encouraged me to keep going!


End file.
